Alfred P. Rockwell, 3 February 1865

Near Fort Fisher, North Carolina
February 3rd 1865

[Dear Kate]

It pains me to think how you may have suffered from anxiety, my dear, dear Kate, during the time you did not get my letters and hear of my safety. But now I am sure you are better pleased that if I had been quietly doing nothing while all this glorious work was going on.

I have this moment received your letters of the 19th & 22nd fro New Haven and am relieved to know that my letters reached you even if delayed. How many times I thought of you that eventful night. How proud you would be of any act of gallantry or ashamed of any act of cowardice (supposing it possible) and as you see, my first thought when victory crowned our efforts was to share with you my joy at success. You are first in my thoughts always,

I am glad you found so pleasant a way of passing the anxious hours. Well, this is all passed now and we will hope that I may soon be with you. I confess I am as uneasy as anything you can imagine. The prospect of a fight and fresh laurels to bring home to my love would hardly keep me longer than necessity requires. The same kind Providence which has carried me safely through so much will I hope and believe bring me home once more to all I hold dear on earth.

I will deliver to General Terry your congratulations at his good fortune. He seems to be the hero of the day, but when one is high the more difficult his position you know. In the fortune of war, a reverse is always so possible that the victor of today may be the beaten man tomorrow. I hope however Terry may continue fortunate. He has fought his way up and won his present position by persevering and faithful service rather than by political interest. There are few Generals more liked by his own men than General Terry.

I am in Abbott’s Brigade, 2nd Brigaded 1st. Division, 24th Army Corps, but we are on detached [service] from that corps now and not soon, I trust, to return to Virginia. I speak as if I had still an interest in this matter whereas I hope soon to leave all this behind, but I am beginning to feel that nothing is certain until it has already happened and shall not believe I am to taste of bliss once more till I fairly and squarely turn my back on the army.

As I wrote you yesterday, I simply now assert the fact that I am devotedly yours, — Alfred

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